Aug 18, 2023
I really appreciate the comments and kind notes. I haven’t responded, as there are many, but I do put them into one document that I then print for inspiration and strength. Please, if you don’t hear back, don’t think I missed your comment or it was unimportant; it’s actually “the wind beneath my wings.”
The biopsy report is in: (1) Abdominal mass: Malignant cells present. 2) Adenocarcinoma consistent with involvement by a Mullerian Primary. Marked Necrosis. Abdominal fluid: Rare, atypical cells in a background of extensive necrosis. Because this endometrial cancer is quickly metastasizing to multiple sites, and killing healthy cells in its wake, it isn’t survivable. My docs are trying their best to move up the next biopsy of the mid-chest lymph node, to make sure it isn’t yet another cancer. They think that node is a “source nodule” now. I can’t start chemo until that biopsy is done, and meanwhile, I don’t want the endo cancer attacking my brain or other vital organs. Thankfully, my PA wrote a prescription for Lorazepam for anxiety while we wait. This week I’ve had blood tests again (CEA and Cancer 125) and an EEG to prep for surgery. Today I met with an oncology nurse at downtown Baptist to discuss anesthesia assessment and risks. Everyone stresses that Dr. Modi is trying his best to get the lymph node biopsy scheduled sooner. I am FIRST on the list for any cancellation at any hospital. Meanwhile, we wait.
Upcoming set appointments: 8/24 – Thursday; Biopsy of chest lymph node under general anesthesia. 8/25 – Friday; Review with Dr. Zaiden, GI oncologist at M.D. Anderson.
How are we coping? The abdomen biopsy was wicked last week: “A 17-gauge coaxial needle was advanced into the mass in the right lower quadrant under CT guidance. After appropriate positioning, multiple core biopsy samples were obtained. 10 mL of yellow cloudy fluid was also aspirated and submitted to pathology.” However, we had the taco party Friday night with NO talk of cancer, yay! My triumph was that cancer/pain didn’t rob me of a very fun evening full of laughter with friends.
It's most important right now that my family knows I’m not afraid of death, whenever or however it comes. I asked my God during the “bargaining stage” of grief back in 2000, when I had the late-stage breast cancer, for three things: 1) to meet my 1st grandchild (Summer was pregnant with Patrick); 2) to see Brook home safely from the middle east (Air Force police officer during the Iranian war), and to see her happy in her life; and 3) to live long enough to raise my son PJ (then 14).
The universe not only granted those wishes but has given me almost 23 “bonus years” with more grandchildren to love. I am grateful for a great marriage to Kevin, and for the many extra blessings that the universe has provided. (Through the grace and mercy of Christ, I believe). All I’m praying for now is to prolong my life beyond 2023. This has been a hell year for my son PJ’s family, who has lost a daughter, 16 and then his mother-in-law within a month. Likewise, my daughters lost their niece. Then their very close in age cousin died unexpectedly. I managed to help my kids “up north”; I don’t want to now be the cause of more pain for my children and grandchildren this year. We just need a little time. If I could get through 2023 (with my brain intact at least) that would be a blessing.
As always, thanks for being by my side for this misadventure. I imagine being on “Survivor” and whether you win or lose the game, the family and friendships you have on the island make the sacrifices and challenges so much easier to bear. I’m grateful for your support.
Jody
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